Support

Support is very important in the Peace Corps, it supplies encouragement and strength when you need it, it helps you get over those little bumps in the road, and reminds you that you aren't crazy and that you're doing the right thing. Unfortunately, it really seems like I don't have support. Its not that most people are adamantly and outspokenly against me, but you can definitely tell they think I shouldn't do it.

It is frustrating because I get so excited and try to talk to them about it and am met with answers of several words or a quick topic change. My dad, who I wish was really super excited about it, seems to only care enough to fear for me (which is good of course) and be planning a trip around it. He won't say it, but he gives the vibe that says he thinks its a bad idea and I need to get a job instead. He pretends to be interested, but even as I talk to him, I know he isn't. My mom....its weird because she's excited but indifferent. She see's it as an adventure that she never got to do and tells everyone about it, but doesn't really want to hear about it. Maybe she really is excited but just doesn't want to think about the fact that I'll be away for so long? But I just find that odd b/c she and I aren't that close, plus my being away means she has my cat for 27 months longer than expected.  My youngest sisters ignores it completely, and Caitlin, the middle just sorta does the "I don't like it and I couldn't do it and I don't really get it, but..if you want to, I know you will."

One aunt thinks it suits me perfectly as long as I am safe. Another aunt thinks its honorable but that I shouldn't do it. My sister's fiance, Cory, thinks its exciting as hell and just wants to visit. My grandma just wants me to be safe, understandable. Oh, Cory's dad thought it was the best thing on earth and couldn't stop telling me how amazing I was for doing it--I really needed that. My gpa's wife sorta did the "well, if you want, but maybe think about other options because I just don't know." My nurse practitioner told me to my face that she thought I was crazy. Granted I think she's the greatest, but I don't think this is crazy!

And of course my love. He hates it. He doesn't want me to leave. He thinks it is stupid, weird, crazy, odd, awful, etc etc etc. He says if I leave we are over the day after I leave. I say I will work as hard as possible to maintain our relationship, but he doesn't want to. I don't blame him for being upset, because I sprung him on this very suddenly and after 5 years of dating and about a year and a half of plans to move in together. But more than anything, I want his acceptance of this. Although I'd love him to be excited with me and make plans to visit me, I at least want his acceptance in that he is okay with my being gone to do this and will try with me to make this work. I want to be with him more than anything in the world, and I know our lives are for each other and we are supposed to be together (as crazy different as we are :) we work so much).....but he says Peace Corps = Over, ...I will try even if he doesn't...I will email, snail mail, send packages, call, videos, pictures......I'll be back in june. I just want us to work.