My Response to Amelie

Today I was left a comment by a girl named Amelie. She left a comment on my last post, about my not accepting the invitation to El Salvador. I looked at her profile, and there's not really much there...no link to a blog at all...and the only think that caught my eye is her quote that says "Life is calling. How far will you go?" Clearly the PC quote. Apparently, she doesn't like me or my decision much, this is what she commented:

I could've easily blocked the comment so it didn't go through, but that would be faking it. It would be me trying to pretend that everyone thinks declining an invitation is a-ok. Obviously, everyone doesn't think so, and I don't want to hide that. If she and others feel that way, then so be it, that's perfectly fine. They can think whatever they want, but it was my decision and I am satisfied that I made the right decision for me right now.

Other people have supported my decision. I received several e-mails of people supporting it. 

I just wanted to write to let you know that I think that what you did was really brave. I'm incredibly impressed that you had the courage and the foresight to know what will make you a more successful volunteer. I think that with all of PC's talk about "being flexible and serving where there's a need", that it can sometimes be incredibly hard to remember that you're the only one who can really know yourself and what things will and won't work

or

First, don't ever feel bad about what you decide to do with the peace corps. If you want to decline and invitation that is your choice, and no one has the right to judge you for that. Its not taboo, you have the right to terminate your PC service at anytime and no one elses' opinion matters.

Because my decision was so hard, and it tears me up, I really appreciated those e-mails. They really helped me "accept" my decision so to speak.

However, that's not to say that I wouldn't like to address a few points about what Amelie said. I feel that if someone addresses me in the tone and manner that she did, then its only fair.

(1) My love of cultures and travel and adventure, people, language, religions, and foods.....that is a love of mine that has been around since the day I was born and will stay with me til the day I die. I will never be satisfied sitting still and not learning about people.

(2) I do have an extremely strong desire to join the Peace Corps. Its not a desire to just have the dream, it is the desire to do it, be there, get in the middle of it, live how someone else does, get dirty, work hard, and be entirely uncomfortable sometimes. I won't lie; the people working for the Peace Corps that processed all my stuff, from my recruiter to my PO, were fantastic and amazing people. They worked hard for me and helped me so much. However, I did not make them jump through hoops and I don't really think they jumped through hoops. Again, that's not to say they didn't work so very hard for me, because they did and words cannot describe how appreciative I am of every last person who I worked with. However, I say that its not hoops simply because its their job and they treated me and worked with me exactly in the same way they would any other PC applicant. Having to get a second nomination was not something I made them jump through hoops for, there was a computer glitch so my recruiter called to tell me that she had to find a different nomination. When my program was full, my PO looked for other programs--something any PO would do for anyone who's program was full. She ran them by medical because I had a restriction--again, something any PO does for anyone with a restriction. I appreciate it more than anything, and they did a DAMN good job--but it wasn't hoops. Plain and simple, it wasn't them jumping through hoops because its their job and it is what is done for every applicant, not just me.

(3) As for this girl not wanting me to join the PC...well, sorry, because I fully intend on joining. It may be in the next year or two, it may be in 10-15 years, or it may be in 40 years. But if they will have me, then I will absolutely join the Peace Corps. I can't wait to join, and my ultimate dream would be to join for several "stints" so to speak.

One big problem with me joining now is that while I may have the qualifications on paper, I do not have the qualifications in experience. I don't want to be posted to a community and not be able to serve them the best I can. I want the real experience so that I can give the people what they need and actually make a difference. I don't want to get to my site and realize that I might know the technicalities of the work, but ultimately, I don't know how to do it and have to spend 1/2 my time getting help and researching stuff. I want to go into my site with experience and the ability to give them everything I can offer, and I want to be able to offer more than written qualifications. 

That said, a big part in my decision to decline was that I want more practical experience to provide to my future site. That is exactly what I am going to do. I am really interested in TEFL. The next 4 months I am going to get a job--preferably something related to teaching so I am in the atmosphere, but since I don't have the teaching degree, I'll probably have to settle for something else. Now, how do I remedy getting experience with a bland job? I have already contacted organizations in my community such as The Literacy Center and Boys & Girls Club. The first would be volunteer tutoring adults in reading to raise their literacy level. The second group is volunteer tutoring/helping students with their homework or areas in school they may need help with. I think that's definitely some good experience for the Peace Corps. Furthermore, I've recently accepted a position to Teach English in China for a year. I can easily extend that contract if I want. All of those provide great experience for myself and the Peace Corps. Also, may I say, Amelie, there goes your idea that I actually don't like culture and adventure?

I respect the Peace Corps, its employees, and its volunteers. I think it is an amazing organization, and I can't wait to join it. Right now I'm hoping to be able to join in early 2010. I'm thinking about EE/CA, Africa, and Asia as my preferable regions. To me it doesn't matter if I'm living in a nice apartment with all the amenities in EE, or if I'm living in a mud hut or crude brick house under a mosquito net in Africa eating the snot-sauce, or living in a yurt in Mongolia eating mutton while bundled up in the negative degree weather.  All of those places and lifestyles are the Peace Corps, and I am fully willing to welcome and adapt to any of those. However, right now, the PC was something I had to decline, it was a painful decision and still hurts me that I had to do it. 

But I can't wait to join, and to do so when I'm ready and feel very prepared. I know it will be a lot harder for me to be nominated and invited next time around, but I'm up for the challenge because I love what the Peace Corps does and know that I want to do it, and by then, I will feel better about what I can give to my site. I can't wait for a future with the Peace Corps.