Wooooaaaaaa

So, I just happened to look at my toolkit, someone in the group just got that mysterious medical message saying "look for a letter in the mail regarding the decision"--you know, the one that freaks EVERYONE out and makes them think they have been denied. I'm sure she's cleared, but it freaks everyone out. I wish I could just give her a big hug and tell her to breathe!! Haha! I just know how that was. ANYWAY. I got on my toolkit to see what my message actually said--it said one thing before the letter, one thing after...any way, I noticed two things on there that I had never noticed before! I never got toolkit updates about that, so I had no clue those two things had changed.



So basically, it says (a) up in the red, that I had withdrawn my application and if I wish to reactivate it to contact placement, and (b) down at invitation, that I had declined my invitation to El Salvador.

I just had NO CLUE my ToolKit had updated to that!!! As "bleh" as that is to see, it IS good because it lets me know that my application really is able to be reactivated, which I have sometimes been nervous about just because its floating around "no man's land." Though I thought I was supposed to contact my recruiter instead of my PO? But it says Placement Office. Hrmmmm. Very interesting.

I dunno, I just found the whole update very interesting! Its been there since August without my even knowing it!

Hrmmm

I heard through the grapevine today that "at this time with the budget etc., it would be almost certain that if one declines an invitation there would not be another."

Hearing that come through the grapevine from the placement office is a little scary. Especially for me, someone who declined an invitation just weeks before the budget problem burst out, but will be reactivating next June when its quite likely the budget problem will still be going on.

Now, I know I made the right decision in declining El Salvador, but I also want to join the Peace Corps more than anything. Unfortunately, El Salvador wasn't the right program for me, but I am certain that I want to join and will be a great volunteer. I'm up for the challenge and am looking forward to helping those in my future Peace Corps country. I know the next country and program will be great for me, and I'm excited. Its going to be the longest wait, but I'll get there and it'll be worth it, and more importantly, it'll be right when I get there.

Naturally, hearing that, it just scares me that "oh, well...I declined an invitation....does that mean they won't extend me another one?" My decision to go to China for a year to teach English is in part for that reason. To help strengthen my application and experience for the Peace Corps since my application will now have a negative taint to it. 

Just scary stuff to hear.

Its Right--For Sure

I know the Peace Corps is right for me, and I know that for sure.

I know it is, because I received an invitation and declined it, was torn up and sick over it, but it made me realize exactly how much I want the Peace Corps and how excited I am for it. I'll be a great volunteer, I love cultures and languages (I wish language was my strong point, its not), I love helping people and finding out about them, and I like being in difficult situations where I will push myself to succeed. 

Before the invitation that I declined, I knew I wanted to go, but was also nervous and wondering if it was the right decision--to do the Peace Corps. I knew it was, but the invitation was all wrong. However, I didn't know then just how much I want the Peace Corps. I knew I wanted it then, but having to decline an invitation and know that in about 9 months I will have to work that much harder than everyone else to get another invitation, AND to be going to China for a year to get more experience and teach English......well now I just know that the Peace Corps is for me, its right, its perfect. I'll be great at it when I finally get to do it.

I declined an invitation to a program, but in no way was that me declining the Peace Corps. Every day I am just anxious and excited thinking about the Peace Corps and can't wait to start the process again in 9 months. Until then, my file is deactivated waiting for me to reactivate, and I'm getting as much experience as I can.

But I just can't wait! I wish it were happening now! :):):):)

E-mailed My Recruiter

Having been thinking about my [hopefully] eventual joining of the Peace Corps, I thought it was time to e-mail someone. I might as well start gathering information about how I might go about reactivating the application, and if based on my timeline, I'll be able to reactivate it or if I will have to reapply and do everything over (ugh). I wrote:

Dear Hazel,

Hi, back in the February/March/April time you were acting as my recruiter and interviewed and nominated me. I recently declined my invitation to El Salvador for several reasons. One reason was that I felt I needed more time to prepare myself for that amount of time abroad. Another reason, a very big reason was that even though I am qualified, I feel I need to have some more "practical" experience on my side before I should move to a site where the community is counting on me. I feel that I could do the work had I accepted, but that if I get more real-life experience first, I will be able to give much more to a community.

That said, in October I will begin volunteering at The Literacy Center in my community, and possibly the Boys & Girls Club (also volunteering as a tutor). In January, I will be moving to Shanghai for a year to teach English. I feel this will help me gain a lot of practical experience on multiple levels.

I think my application is "deactivated"--if that is the right term. I was hoping to reactivate my application summer of '09, but due to TEFL in China, I wouldn't be able to leave until early 2010. I was wondering if that would be too early to reactivate it. If so, I am more than willing to go through the application process again. I realize that getting a nomination and invitation will be substantially harder now that I've declined an invitation, but I am willing to work hard for it. I am 100% dedicated to becoming a Peace Corps Volunteer, but I feel that right now I just need that extra push in experience to be able to best serve, and that by 2010 I will have hopefully gained it.

Thanks for all your time. I cannot express how much I appreciate everything you did back then and now this.

Sincerely,

Jenna Walker

She e-mailed me back this morning. She always did answer e-mails quickly. So this was her reply:

Hello Jenna,

Sorry you could not accept the first assignment. As long as you can be reached by email and phone, you can go ahead and seek a reactivation of your application in summer of 2009. However, if my counting is correct, you will have to start over and submit a new application because, by then, the application we have on file would have been withdrawn for over a year. Good luck to you.

Hazel
Regional Recruiter
Diversity and 50+ Liaison
PCV-Lesotho, Southern Africa 2003-2005

I'm glad her e-mail was helpful and nonjudgmental. Not to say that I expected her or anyone else to be (tho a handful of people have been)...its just that, its not really the best topic--declining and invite. She's always been great--always responds promptly, very nice, very helpful. Good recruiter in my opinion!

Okay, so I see what she's saying, 100%. I think in July, I will call and see if I can reactivate my application for an early 2010 departure, or if it is too early. If its 100 early, I'll just reapply--that should still give me enough time for a February-June departure date I think?

I really do want to specify a region this time...I think that would be better for me. I'm thinking EE/CA, Africa, and Asia. That may change in time, I should also look at where my skills best fit, and decide exactly why I'd like each region and how I'd do better in one over another. Stuff like that. Really know before I go into this again. I think that may be how I tripped up a lot last time. Besides experience, I didn't think about where I could best personally flourish or do my best with the community. Things to think about people, things to think about!

If You Didn't Know...btw....

Many of you know that I had a couple loops (nothing too bad tho) before I got my invitation, and to El Salvador on September 14th. What many of you may not know, and to my shock, as well as my family and friend's shock, and all my PC acquaintances, I declined the invitation.

On the surface the assignment seemed absolutely wonderful--perfect. But I won't lie that something felt wrong or out of place. So I declined. I didn't want to accept such a serious commitment when I was so unsure. I still can't put my finger on what felt wrong, but something did, and I've learned to trust my gut instinct.

I asked to "withdraw" my application for the time being, and that I wanted to reapply later, and I was asked to write a personal statement about my reasoning to not accept. Supposedly I have a year to "reactivate" my application, if I wait longer than that, then I will have to reapply, start from scratch.

However, I almost feel like I'm "not allowed" to reactivate it so close to when I declined an invitation and withdrew--that it'd be fishy, but I'll tell you what, I desperately want to reactivate it and have them look at me for Eastern Europe, Africa, or Asia. Desperately. But I feel like I have to wait, show them I've done something else, and thought about it, and then reapply. She wasn't happy I declined and did state it would be a lot harder for me to reapply because of this.

Its sorta a touchy subject for me still, which is why I haven't brought it up before. But I realized I needed to ask and start looking for an answer. Since I'm my sister's maid of honor, I now won't be able to leave until after June 20th 2009 (because of the no-traveling rules at beginning of PC service)--which sucks. I withdrew on August 8th, so I have til next Aug to reactivate if I understand everything correctly.

I guess basically I'm asking if anyone has any insight on this--after you decline an invitation, what's the appropriate way of going about re-activating your application later? When should I if I want to leave July-later? What am I not thinking of? I know this is sorta the "taboo" topic sorta like ETing.....but it became a reality for me. Something wasn't right, even tho I couldn't identify it, and I just couldn't commit to that particular program unfortunately :-/