If You Didn't Know...btw....

Many of you know that I had a couple loops (nothing too bad tho) before I got my invitation, and to El Salvador on September 14th. What many of you may not know, and to my shock, as well as my family and friend's shock, and all my PC acquaintances, I declined the invitation.

On the surface the assignment seemed absolutely wonderful--perfect. But I won't lie that something felt wrong or out of place. So I declined. I didn't want to accept such a serious commitment when I was so unsure. I still can't put my finger on what felt wrong, but something did, and I've learned to trust my gut instinct.

I asked to "withdraw" my application for the time being, and that I wanted to reapply later, and I was asked to write a personal statement about my reasoning to not accept. Supposedly I have a year to "reactivate" my application, if I wait longer than that, then I will have to reapply, start from scratch.

However, I almost feel like I'm "not allowed" to reactivate it so close to when I declined an invitation and withdrew--that it'd be fishy, but I'll tell you what, I desperately want to reactivate it and have them look at me for Eastern Europe, Africa, or Asia. Desperately. But I feel like I have to wait, show them I've done something else, and thought about it, and then reapply. She wasn't happy I declined and did state it would be a lot harder for me to reapply because of this.

Its sorta a touchy subject for me still, which is why I haven't brought it up before. But I realized I needed to ask and start looking for an answer. Since I'm my sister's maid of honor, I now won't be able to leave until after June 20th 2009 (because of the no-traveling rules at beginning of PC service)--which sucks. I withdrew on August 8th, so I have til next Aug to reactivate if I understand everything correctly.

I guess basically I'm asking if anyone has any insight on this--after you decline an invitation, what's the appropriate way of going about re-activating your application later? When should I if I want to leave July-later? What am I not thinking of? I know this is sorta the "taboo" topic sorta like ETing.....but it became a reality for me. Something wasn't right, even tho I couldn't identify it, and I just couldn't commit to that particular program unfortunately :-/